Stay-at-home parents make many sacrifices to be with their kids and take care of everything that needs to be done in the house. Some even give up their careers to have enough time to look after their children’s needs. All in all, it’s a choice that comes with a lot of responsibility and shouldn’t be forced on someone or decided haphazardly.
Unfortunately, a newly pregnant woman who had no intention of being a stay-at-home mom was faced with the choice when her boyfriend suddenly told her that’s what he wanted.
Girlfriend laughs at boyfriend’s sudden plan for her to be a stay-at-home parent and manage everything on his salary as an electrician
The woman and her boyfriend, Andrew, have been dating for 3 years, they planned to have children later but were surprised to find out she’s pregnant
To look after the baby, they’ll have to combine finances since Andrew is an electrician, and she just graduated, but he said he expected her to be a stay-at-home mom
She burst out laughing at his suggestion because she knew they’d struggle on just his salary, and she wants a career since she’s the first person from her family to get a degree
There has been an increase in the number of stay-at-home parents in the last few years, with almost 15% of mothers choosing this lifestyle. But even though many folks want to care for their children this way, not everybody is on board with the idea. Women, especially those who pick this role, do so with a lot of forethought or due to the rising cost of childcare. It isn’t a sudden decision.
The poster shared that she is proud of her education and career, and she doesn’t seem to have plans to give any of that up to stay at home with a baby. Longitudinal surveys do show that mothers who wanted to stick with their careers and did so had better physical and mental health. Moms who stayed out of the workforce to raise their kids fared similarly.
It was only those mothers who stopped working to stay at home and then restarted their careers later whose mental health declined. If the poster chose to be a stay-at-home mom and then later tried to focus on her career, she would probably face an immense struggle. However, Andrew, her boyfriend, did not think about any of that. He wanted her to stay at home because his childhood had benefited from it.
Andrew said that he had been raised by a stay-at-home mom, and he loved the experience. He wanted his baby to be brought up the same way. Although he’s not wrong, and mothers who stay at home find a lot of satisfaction in caring for their families, it is ultimately because they had the opportunity to choose for themselves.
Moms who chose not to stay at home have observed that the most backlash they receive for their decision comes from males. Men who were raised by mothers who gave up everything to be with them also expect the same from their wives. This is an unfair ask. As the commenters pointed out, maybe the poster should have turned the tables on Andrew and asked him to be a stay-at-home dad instead.
This is a major decision that a couple should not rush into. That’s why Bored Panda contacted Bola Sokunbi, a Certified Financial Education Instructor (CFEI), finance expert, 4-time bestselling author, speaker, and founder of Clever Girl Finance-one of the largest personal finance media/education platforms for women in the U.S. We asked her how a couple should go about discussing and planning their finances when one partner wants to or is expected to be a stay-at-home parent.
She said, “when one partner is deciding whether to be a stay-at-home parent or not, it’s essential to have an open and honest conversation about your finances as a couple. Start by taking a close look at your current financial situation, including your income, expenses, savings, and any debts. This will give you a clear picture of where you stand and what adjustments you’d need to make. It’s also important that you set some financial goals together, like saving for emergencies, saving for retirement, and planning for future big-ticket items.”
